Quarantine thoughts
How am I doing today? Funny you should ask. I managed to fix my hair and my face. So that’s a plus. I would love to tell you that is been all sunshine and rainbows and I’ve managed to be the most upbeat and positive person, but I’m not one to start lying to those I care about. I’ve had a while to try to process my thoughts and feelings.
When they first canceled schools because of the virus, I panicked but in the back of my mind I thought just for a little while, they will clean the schools and this will go back to regularly scheduled programming. And at that time I still had the gym and could still work. So I was sitting on easy street.
Thankfully I had gone grocery shopping before the mass hysteria set in because we weren’t left scrambling.
Then the order came down to close businesses of you couldn’t maintain 6 feet distance so that led to rescheduling my babies and in studio sessions, because let’s be real, that’s not possible. Then they canceled schools for the remainder of the year and put in place a shelter in place.
I’m human y’all, I’m passionate about things and I have struggled. I have struggled with being in charge of my kids education, each and everyday just praying Lord, don’t let me screw them up. Help me to understand and be able to be on top of remote learning. It’s hard y’all, really hard.
I’d love to tell you that I’m the type of mom that welcomed the slower pace. That I’ve cooked three square meals a day, I haven’t once yelled or even cried about how things are going, or even better that my house is freaking spotless, but remember what I said about lying to you guys.
I have days that we are so on top of things. The house is clean, disinfected, and smells of lemons and pine sol. Meals are planned and everyone is in a great mood.
But y’all, I miss people which is odd because I don’t like a lot of people. I miss Chick Fil A, and their Diet Coke. Lord have mercy on my soul. We’ve scoured Pinterest and friends for recipes and have cooked dinner so much that the tiny girl that hates pizza asked to order pizza the other nigh “since I’ve been cooking so much” don’t mind me, it’s just dusty in here. 😭
I kept my routine of working out everyday, strength training and cardio. Huge thanks to my gym for renting me equipment to use. But then the funk set in.
There are days that I’m so focused and stay in track, working out tracking food, editing galleries and working my “non essential, yet essential to me” business from my house. Then there are days that I sit in the recliner and wonder what day it is, if I’ve showered, have I really been wearing the same clothes for a hot minute, oh and that smell….yeah that’s me. I’m the smelly person in the room. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I miss my Mom, sure we have FaceTime but spending that quality time with a visit just isn’t the same. I miss the coffee dates and time with friends. Or just being able to go shopping and touch all the pretty things. I miss the feeling of almost dying at the gym, (weird I know). I miss the freedom of just being able to be me and enjoying the things that set my soul on fire.
But here is where I’m going to share my heart. And this is long winded and it’s not of popular opinion but it’s mine and if you don’t like it that’s completely ok, just keep scrolling.
For the life of me I’ll never understand all the straight meanness I’ve witnessed. I understand everyone is very passionate on both sides of the debate. But what I will tell you is this, and it isn’t meant as an insult or less than because I love my life and the people in it. But for years I felt like a nobody, yes I was Bramlett’s wife, and Dakota, Cameron, and Madison’s mom and those titles are amazing in each way, but that is how I was known. When God gave me the gift of being a photographer and I spent years working , creating, building and making a name for myself I never saw it being like this. I never saw a studio on the square in the little town I grew up in, it took years of sacrificing, hard work, and several tears, and I’m there.
I’ve made a name and an identity for myself, and now he gets “You’re Dana’s husband, she is the baby’s photographer” the kids advocate for their mama, and the years of begging God and working have paid off because I’m not just a wife and a mom I’m Dana Bramlett, owner of dlb photography, “the baby photographer”. I will be honest this business is HARD, you have to stay relevant and on top of things, and there is competition on every corner and you have to turn on blinders and maintain your lane so you don’t lose focus. At the end of last year beginning of this year I told myself I was done, it was just too hard. I was working through how I truly felt about those feelings. But to have this virus come up and the other side be not so clear is heartbreaking.
I don’t want to lose my business. I’ve learned that it’s okay to grieve the idea of what your business is, and trust me I have. There have been days that I cry, because my heart has literally ached for the clients that had birth stories scheduled and it didn’t happen, for the moms that have had their newborn sessions planned and they keep getting pushed. Because y’all, babies don’t keep. Those tiny features change in a blink of an eye. So to be told that something has been such a labor of love to be deemed as non essential is rough. And to see how some in the industry have treated those that are just trying to muddle through is just as devastating.
I say all that to say this, I understand on both sides. I’m married to a first responder so I get it more than you know. But it doesn’t mean it’s not okay that I grieve the thing I’ve worked so hard for. Nor does it mean that I’m going to judge, put down or turn my nose to those in this community that are just doing the best they can to survive. Contrary to what some may thinking being self employed or a small business doesn’t mean I’m loaded. I respect the struggle that everyone is dealing with and while they are remotely working and making sacrifices as well they are receiving some of their pay, us that are deemed non- essential and not able to work are relying on the savings we have. While I’m thankful for the loans and grants out there for small business I don’t qualify bc it’s just me. I’m it. The only employee of dlb, a sole proprietor. So that’s out the window, and studio rent is no joke.
So, how am I today? Well, my sleep schedule is all jacked up, I may have had cake for breakfast, and haven’t managed to workout yet. I’ve looked at bathing suits on line because it’s getting warmer out and I can work on my tan in the down time. I’ve watched Disney by myself, because did I mention that everyone’s sleep schedule is jacked. I haven’t cried and at least I look cute, so today will be a check in the plus column. If you’ve made it this far know I appreciate you. I’m praying for you wherever you are in this stage of quarantine. I’m looking for the bigger and brighter picture on the other end of all of this. Love all of you so so BIG!!!
